Thursday, November 29, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

distinction

again... but why do i not care? *shrugs*

there must be something that i don't see in people. i wonder why others can get along/love/become best friends with people i don't seem to.... well...... get along with. there must be something about me that do not give chances to others (i blame it on my upbringing from the father). my father bellieves that everyone must do things right the first time. if not, then its a screw up. well..... my parents are mostly why i do not want to become a parent myself. i'm afraid that i'll end up like them. poor children (poor me). so i'll try and be more aware of my actions and thoughts in the future and apply logical and effective methods so as not to turn into them. it'll take alot, being the very proud and egoistic person that i am (yes, i admit to that), but Insya'Allah, i'll try out of sincerity.

on the other note..... the christmas lights are simply gorgeous (of course, goerge st. and david jones' decorations were fabulous too)..... reminds me of milles..... i'd invite you over to stay with me so i can bring you around but i don't have my own crib. in fact, i don't allow my friends to come over anymore. mum thinks its a hassle to cover herself up and she feels unconfortable. so even when dad's unwell, they're not invited to see him. they can come at their own accord, just as long as i don't invite them and they don't tell me that they're coming. i hate staying under my parents' roof..... but beggars are no choosers. you live in another person's roof, you follow their rules. owners rules. *shrugs* well... if u're not willing to accomodate, why bother having children at all. might as well you use your hard-earned money to travel and live a luxe life rather than having us..... me especially. i know.

i'm pretty sure that you regretted not doing more drastic things at that time huh? knowing that, it makes it easier for me to leave yous. i'll do what God told me to do, no worries about that part but its due to my duties as a Muslim. i'm all numb inside.

+ > the glamour babe posted at 6:21 AM < +

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

a little bit of me

bummer! i just posted a raw feeling i'm having right now and i decided to experiment on some tabs! sheesh!

well.... since i want to let it all out, i'll try and recap what i just typed.

i think i'm feeling kinda confused right now. and lost. when i think of this particular thing, i feel a little....erm... sad. like i don't know if i had done the right thing or not. my mind says i have, and so do a lot of people.... just that i'm wondering what God has for me.... its like He's taking a long time and i'm afraid that i'm wanting things that i don't need. and when i am presented with God's plans, i'm afraid if i'll ask 'what if?'. its such a detrimental thing to do, asking myself 'what if?' but sometimes, i think i just can't help it. i know God'll give me the best and whats good for me.... just that i tend to think of the possibilities that are not meant to happen. see? the mind (superego) works wonderfully but the heart (id) is destroying me. the ego is too confused that its remaining numb- which is bad.

*shrugs*

i tend to compare myself with peers who are happy. it makes me depressed when i do. i have to feel happy for them and everytime i think of them happy, i should be praying to God. i should pray to Him that He continues to make that particular person happy and that i want to be just as happy (in my case, even a glimmer of happiness would be much appreciated). maybe i'll delve into my Qur'an in english again, like i always did in the mornings..... but i want to do it in peace..... and i can't seem to find any of it here in unit 13-1499. it feels like a psychological battlezone every second.

i'll type out my goals here.
to not feel like i do now by mid march.
get a job then (mid march).

why mid-march? well, Insya'Allah, i'll be done with my couseworks. this means that i'm left with research and i think i can handle working and research then.

ps: i just did a blogthings test to see how weird i am but i just can't seem to 'paste' the results! in fact, i can't 'paste' anything here! why ah! so boring! i just wanted to tell the world that i'm 76% weird.

+ > the glamour babe posted at 5:28 AM < +

Thursday, November 22, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

wedding bells ringing

but of course, the bells don't belong to me....... that'll be the end of the world. well.... not now or anytime soon anyways.

i've a wedding invitation from my high school friends, caled and maizura- they're getting married to each other. he liked her since sec one, they got together the next year and have been with each other ever since. sweet ey? high school sweethearts. a decade of courtship and here they are, getting hitched aft what seems like forever.

the other wedding is my cj buddy's reception and solemnisation, next weekend. but! i've got class then. bummer! i'd love to attend both but not fated la huh?

i'm looking forward for the weddings because its like a mini reunion. i'll see old schoolmates from my batch and some from the senior or younger batches. cool la. then can catch up with each others' progress in life. who went to jail, who turned or was actually gay, who's married, who's got kids,.... ya know... the things teenagers become in later life. *winks*

+ > the glamour babe posted at 2:29 AM < +

Monday, November 19, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

mamaback

this particular person has been calling me, out of the blue, just to 'catch up'. well..... if we were tight in the first place, i would not have minded if he disappeared and appeared as and when he wants, like some ppl. however, this particular person is full of empty words (a.k.a: full o bull la). i just cannot stand people who are full of promises but does nothing about it. it reminds me so much of the promises my father has given me and in the end, disappoint me. many times. so yeah, pet peeve: people full of empty words (all talk, no action). haven't they heard that actions speak louder than words?

well.... besides being full of nothing-ness, this person gave me a very sarcastic reply (i found it pathetic and funny tho. it just was) when i wished him happy birthday. *shrugs* some people. just coz he always tried to call me (after suddenly disappearing on me for a long time) to no avail. well, i was busy taking care of monkeys and studying. i have my priorities ya know.

so, after a few months of peace, he started calling me again, just to ask some questions. i didn't wanna talk about what he wanted to ask, so i referred him to people who would've known better. yes, that's my part of palying the cards right. u want to ask the specifics, i help u get to the specific answers la.

then, he started calling for nothing. of course, i was always doing something (fasting month mah.... either breaking fast or performing terawih- loved it!). so really, wrong timing on his part. i've other more important things to do. i've done enough bad things so far and i need to catch up on doing the good things to score points with God. heh! then, he got angry coz i never called him back. *huh?* why is that my problem?

like most of my friends know, i'll make it a point to message them when we haven't seen each other for a long time. in fact, i'll regularly exchange messages with friends as a form of saying 'hi, how u doing?', ya know what i mean? well..... if u suddenly disappear and don't reply to my messages and don't have a good excuse for it (being in a coma is the ONLY excuse i'll accept), u're off my list of friends. sorry, no hard feelings. if i don't matter, then u don't too.

what i don't understand is....... why keep calling me lately? just to catch up? that's really fishy ya know. i'm not the only one who thinks so.

oh well.... if u can understand english well enough, you'll follow my instructions on how to get to me. send me a message, not call me. i don't have free incoming calls. and wasting my free minutes just to catch up with an acquaintace is of no importance to me. if you're 'hurt' that i don't pick up calls, then let me tell you that you're choosing to be hurt. i already said to message me. so just message la. so stubborn.

anyhoos! dad's not good. his pain is getting worse. physiotherapy did him bad. to see dad broken like this is really disheartening. like we all know, our dads (for those who look up to their dads) are the strongest people we know (or one of the strongest). i see how frustruated and helpless he feels. its an ego bashing experience for him as well. he wouldn't want to use the cane in public because he doesn't want people to think that he's handicapped. (this explains my super huge ego. mum's like that too. its inherited.) he wouldn't even let us support him during the painful attacks! *slaps forehead* i'm just praying very hard that he'll go through this a-okay. i know he'll need a risky surgery in order for him to get better.

in all honesty, i don't really trust the TCM in this area. if its just pinched nerves, then i'm all for TCM. but this concerns the bone, in fact, the spine. if it were me, i wouldn't want anyone pulling my spine just to get that one out-of-place vertebra back in place. i dunno.... what do you think?

allright! that's all for now. such a long and windy post after some time not posting huh?

ps: leeza! how u doing! i know u're swamped with work. that much i know very well. heheh! miss you too! *hugs*

+ > the glamour babe posted at 4:37 AM < +

Sunday, November 11, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

i knew it!

i'm right.... see! he's gay. SIGH! the buffy, good lukin ones are gays, the good uns are taken. sheesh!

i'll still watch him over and over again tho. heh!

hubba hubba hubba

+ > the glamour babe posted at 2:52 AM < +

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

floorplay

i've been watching floorplay everynight and will watch a certain segment over and over again. i've been trying to get the particular segment on youtube but i still can't find it. the best i've gotten so far is from an audient's camera phone and my guess is that that audient bought the cheapest ticket. so that's a no-go for me-too far from the stage, can't see anything. the reason i want to put it up is so that i can show melb-bestie why i'm perving at that dancer. heh!

but knowing myself, he's most probably gay. i have this inborn attraction to gays. i always have the hots for gays. hrmph! (eg: david. u remember david masyita?)

nevermind masyita, we can watch it when u come back (in forty-something days! wootwoot!)

+ > the glamour babe posted at 12:44 AM < +

Monday, November 05, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

multiple reasons post.

1st, i'll tell u how my sunday went....

had netball training. everytime there's training, i'll silently pray that it'll rain. as we were warming up (thank gawd its only 1.2km today instead of the usual 2.4km run), i was hoping that it was gonna rain coz it was pretty windy... then i heard someone wishing that it'd rain pretty loudly. heh~ i guess the seniors dread the 'warm up' run just as much as i do. so, this was my highlight of the day.

2nd, its about the dad.

he went to the clinic last friday coz of his back. doc said its muscle tension but if he doesn't get better by monday (ie: today), he's gotta go straight to the A&E. doc said it might be a slipped disc. oh dear. and yeah, he's gonna go and 'report' himself tmr. *this is when i need all of your prayers so that he'd be fine*

3rd, its about my dear dear friend!

+ > the glamour babe posted at 7:36 AM < +

Sunday, November 04, 2007

hot brown sugah opens her trap yet again

boxerchess

no, no, no.... this ain't two gorillas taught to play chess...

its about two men playing chess. one man makes the wrong move, his opponent will bash the hell out of him for a few seconds. and yes, its a real game now.

dad's comment?
and i quote, "Bloody idiots."

'nuff said.

+ > the glamour babe posted at 5:54 AM < +